Date an Illiterate Girl

This is for my friend Sass, a girl who reads.

you should date an illiterate girl.

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in a film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale or the evenings too long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent of a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, goddamnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so goddamned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life of which I spoke at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being told. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life. *

- Charles Warnke

Bathtub Fantasies

What is it about the weekend that makes me want to put on a flannel and go to Home Depot?

Here at the cabin in Colorado I am fortunate enough to have access to the most deliciously enormous bath tub. Last night, as I was about to step into my nightly bubbly ritual, I was bemoaning my sad bathtub situation at our house in DC.  My small tub, while it does the job, is hardly the kind that beckons you to linger with candles, a glass of wine, and a good book.  And really, is it too much to ask to bring to life the perfect bathtub fantasy?  Well, probably.

Unless you have an amazing partner who barely blinks at your whining and simply offers "Why don't we just remodel the master bathroom and put in a clawfoot soaking tub? Then knock down some walls to create a huge walk-in closet?" Dear lord, I believe I have found my perfect match.

Here is my bathroom now:

And the little hallway between the bath (left) and closet (right) that would be knocked down to create one big master bath/walk in closet/laundry room magnificence:

The possibilities seem endless for what this could look like.  My money-is-no-object fantasies look something like this...

Check out my Pinterest board for a full range of bathroom remodel fantasies! Have any of you done this recently? If so, I want to see your results!

Juice Obsession

A great New Year's resolution for anyone looking to improve their health?  Drink more juice.  No, not Tropicana (for goodness sake, no).  I am talking about FRESH juice made from whole fruits and vegetables.

But beware, these things are ADDICTIVE.  I am a life long coffee drinker and can't imagine waking up with out it... but these juices are starting to replace my second cup.  It's freaking me out.  I have more energy and my body practically tingles as I sip.  Note: Sip, don't gulp these things.  They are crazy potent with nutrients and drinking too fast will send a jolt of lightening energy through your veins.  Feel free to not tell your friends this and watch as they go run around the block a few times.

Juicers come in a wide range of prices and sizes and styles. I love my Breville Juice Fountain that I bought for about $100 on Amazon.  I use a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer when I am in Colorado and it works well and can make more juice at one time, but clean up is a pain in the ass compared to the Breville.  If you are making just one or two juices at a time, I would stick with the Breville.

Here is my everyday full spectrum nutrient blast, and a good new one I tried out this morning with slightly wilting beet greens, because it's what I had in the fridge. Which is generally my favored way to decide what to juice. Or eat, for that matter.

Cheers to your good health!

The Spectrum (Beet, Carrot, Apple, Celery, Kale)
1 small Beet (or half a large one)
3-4 stalks of Celery
Large handful of Kale
1 medium Apple
3-4 Carrots

The Sweet Tart (Beet Greens, Apple, Lemon, Celery)
Beet greens with stems (from about 2-3 beets)
2 small Apples, or one medium/large (sweeter ones are better for this)
Half a lemon (cut off the peel, juice only the flesh)
3 stalks of Celery

A Good Year

I can't say that I am sorry to see the end of 2012... not a year for the record books in this girl's life.  With the enormous exception of meeting and taking up with my dearest love, the year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twelve was fraught with strife, anxiety, restlessness, and instability.  The stars were not aligned well for Pisces in the past few years, but oh my dear friend, all that is about to change.

2013 is destined to be my best yet.  I can feel it deep in my belly, the steadiest barometer of truth.

I am carefully curating a list of resolutions for the next 365 days and at the top of that list is this:
"Write, publicly."

That is to say, here, on these available and open pages, and anywhere else that is not simply my private journals.  While scribbling away in my secret notebooks has been a treasured and beloved practice for many years now, it does as much good as an actor who only recites monologues in his own living room to the dog.  Less practicing, more performing! And, really, what is a blog if not performance writing?

So this is my rededication to this performance. The acting out of my life in public, to you, my dear readers. It's like therapy, but cheaper and you get to eat something delicious at the end of it.

Stay tuned for adventures in seasonal and local eating, discovering long forgotten traditional foods, crafting homemade everything, and generally finding myself again from the helm of my stove.

It's been a rough few years and I think I lost myself somewhere along the way.  I forgot what it is that I was once so passionate about. So I'm retracing my steps, going back to the beginning, to the place where I discovered who I am and what I love.  I'm going back to my kitchen.

For so many women, the kitchen and home have been places of oppression and obligation.  But they are also places of joy and pleasure and community.  For me, my kitchen is a place of power.  It is a place of creativity and passion and connection.  I have wandered far from my kitchen and from my true path.  So I'm coming home to the table.

Are you feeling a bit lost and in need of comfort? Are you seeking a more satisfying and delicious life? Are you as hungry for a passionate new direction as I am?  Then grab a knife, and let's get cooking.

Autumn Brunch

While the Autumnal Equinox may have been September 22nd, my favorite season has made it's fashionably late weather debut only today.  At least in DC.  My thermostat is registering in the 60s, and I'm curled up in my reading nook with my third cup of coffee.  The hazy gray sky hangs low over a city that has all but abandoned the streets to hibernate under the covers.  My lover calls this weather "6am All Day", and truly it feels as if the sun thought better of rising this morning.  I understand the feeling.

After a whole pot of coffee, one starts to need something substantial to ward of the shakes.  To honor this time-less day, having my first meal at 3:30pm seemed fitting. A meal that works for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and takes under a half an hour from start to mouth is a valuable one to master. 

Perfectly seasonal, locally available, and undeniably delicious.  Eat and enjoy the slow transition to cooler weather and warmer foods.

Fried Eggs and Mushrooms over Creamy Polenta
Brunch for Two
Time: 15-20 minutes

4 eggs, preferably locally pastured and heritage breed
Crimini mushrooms, 8-10 caps (1.5 cups sliced)
Fresh thyme, 1/2 tsp leaves only
Goat's milk Gouda, or any strongly flavored semi-hard cheese
Yellow cornmeal (dry polenta), 3/4 cup
Water, 3 cups
Butter
Salt and Pepper

heritage breed Araucana eggs are a gorgeous mint green

Put 3 cups of water on to boil with 1 tsp salt.  When boiling, add the dry polenta and reduce heat to low.  Stir frequently, cover. Polenta will take about 15 minutes to become soft and tender.  Add a tablespoon of butter. Optionally, add a splash of whole milk or half and half to make creamier.  Taste before serving to be sure all the grit has become soft and tender.

While polenta is cooking, put together other elements of the meal.  Put a sauté pan or skillet on medium high heat and add 2 tbsp of butter.  When melted, add sliced mushrooms to pan and stir to coat.  Let cook for about 5-7 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until fully tender.  Season with a pinch of salt and pepper.  Strip the thyme leaves from the stems (hold top of stem, gently strip leaves against the grain), and add to mushrooms.  Let cook one minute and remove all to a bowl.

In same pan, add another tbsp of butter.  On medium high to high heat, crack the eggs gently into the pan, cooking only two at a time.  The egg should sizzle when it hits the hot pan, keeping the whites together.    Do not touch or move the egg while it is frying.  Reduce heat to medium after 1 minute.  Season the eggs with a bit of salt and pepper.  When the whites are set with just a little softness left on the top layer, they are ready (about 4 minutes).  Do not let the yolks cook through at all. Remove to a plate while you cook the other two eggs.

Spoon the hot, soft polenta into wide bowls or plates.  Top with thin slices of cheese, as much as desired, and then layer on the mushrooms. Gently place two eggs on top of each serving.  Finish with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and perhaps a few thyme leaves.  Serve warm.

Italian Wedding Soup

Without realizing it, I seem to make this soup every time I have my cousins around (which is never often enough, in my opinion).  Chelsea requested it on our drive home through the snowy mountains tonight, and as the temperature dropped and the sun went down,  I thought it was just about the most brilliant Sunday supper idea ever. With a bottle or two of wine.

While the meatball rolling seems a bit tedious at first glance, I was shocked how quickly and easily it came together.  Start to finish it took less than 30 minutes.  Why don't I make this delicious (and inexpensive) soup more often??  I have a feeling that is about to change.

By the way I have no idea why this is called Italian Wedding Soup... but perhaps it will bring you an Italian wedding in the near future. It's worth of shot.

Italian Wedding Soup
Adapted from Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian


Ingredients:
Meatballs-
1/2 yellow onion (or 1 small onion) grated or very finely diced
1 large egg
2 cloves grated or minced garlic
1 tsp sea salt
1 tbsp Herbes de Provence
1 slice sandwich bread, crust trimmed, cut into tiny pieces (I used spelt bread and it was just fine)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 lb grass-fed ground beef (or half beef and half pork. Or lamb!)
Freshly ground black pepper

Soup-
12 cups chicken stock (preferably homemade)
1/2 pound kale (possible substitutions: escarole, curly endive)
2 large eggs
2 tbsp freshly grated Parmesan, plus extra for topping
Salt and freshly ground pepper

To Cook:
To make the meatballs: Stir the first 6 ingredients in a large bowl to blend. Stir in the cheese and ground meat.  Using about 1 1/2 teaspoons for each, shape the meat mixture into 1-inch diameter meatballs. Place on a baking sheet.

To make the soup: Bring the broth to a boil in a large pot over medium-high heat.  Add the kale and the meatballs (gently!) and simmer until the meatballs are cooked through and kale is tender, about 8 minutes.  Whisk the eggs and cheese in a bowl to blend.  Stir the soup in a circular motion, and gradually drizzle the egg mixture in the moving broth, gently stirring with a fork to form thin strands of egg, about 1 minute.  Season the soup to taste with salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into bowls and top with parmesan cheese.

A Very Delicious Engagement

A Rustic Feast for Three

I just had the great pleasure of being present for my cousin Chelsea's proposal, from her truly lovely new fiancé Dustin.  They flew out to visit me ostensibly just for a fun ski trip. But after their first day of skiing, Dustin took Chelsea up to the summit of the mountain at sunset, out onto a lookout point surrounded by snowy mountains, and asked her to spend the rest of their lives together.  I showed up minutes later with an ice cold bottle of Champagne in hand and, after trudging through knee-deep snow to get to them, toasted to their happiness and snapped photos until our fingers went numb and we were forced back to the warmth of the cabin.

While they were out skiing that afternoon, I was busy prepping for what needed to be a very special and very delicious supper.  After all, it would be their first meal together as a couple engaged to be married.  The first meal of the rest of their lives! Ok, I might have been a little overzealous, but I'm a romantic that way and feel any important life occasion should be marked by a memorable feast.

I wanted something special but traditional, and nothing that would keep me a slave to the stove all night.  So while Chelsea made excited phone calls to family and friends, Dustin and I poured ourselves some whiskey and I set to work on supper.

What I decided on was this: a traditional Beef Roast with red wine jus, bacon Brussels sprouts and heavenly mashed potatoes.  Timeless, comforting, and full of love... as a great marriage should be.

Perfectly pink, the only color a roast beef should be

The Roast
Adapted from Nigella Lawson's How to Eat: The Pleasures and Principles of Good Food
I used a 2.5lb, grass-fed, top rump roast -- one of the many parcels wrapped in the freezer from the half cow that my father purchased from a friend.  It's good to be friends with farmers, let me assure you!  Buy a roast that is bigger than you will need for your immediate dinner-- there are few things nicer to pick at in the fridge than cold roast beef (the next best thing being cold fried chicken).  A 3 to 4lb roast would be good for 4-6 people I think.

Preheat your oven to 450.  Pull the roast from the fridge and let sit awhile (15 mins?) to get to room temperature (or close, not a big deal, just don't want it to be ice cold).  Rub the roast down on all sides with a good crust of salt and pepper.  Since I used a grass-fed roast, and there isn't much fat, I rubbed it down as well with some room temp bacon drippings.  Butter would be good as well to give it a nice crust.  If it already has a layer of fat on top, I wouldn't bother much.

A cast iron skillet is ideal for this, though I suppose a roasting pan or any oven-proof skillet would probably do just fine.  Heat up your skillet on the stove with a knob of butter (butter, I say- NOT oil.  Oil will not give it the crust you want), and when it is good and hot settle in your roast.  Let it sear for about 2 minutes, and then turn it and do the same to all sides of the roast, until there is a nice browed crust all over. Once you have finished your final side, pop the roast (in the skillet) into the hot oven.  You will want to cook it for about 15-17 minutes per pound.

Once the roast is finished in the oven, take it out and remove to a cutting board to rest (it needs to rest about 10 minutes, or as long as it takes to make the red wine jus).

For the jus (just fancied gravy, don't fret):
Put the skillet back on the stove and turn the heat up the medium high.  Pour in 1/2 cup to 1 cup each of red wine and beef stock, scraping up the beef bits from the bottom of the pan.  Add about a tbsp of white flour and stir in to thicken.  Turn the heat down to medium low after a minute or so to keep it from burning, then let it bubble away and reduce.  Taste for salt and pepper, and when it has thickened to your desired consistency, pour into a little pitcher or mug and keep warm for serving.

The crown jewels of winter vegetables

Brussels Sprouts with Bacon
This is my absolute favorite way to make these little gems, and has made a convert out of many a sprout-hater.  Its also great because you can make them on the stove top when your oven is otherwise occupied.

Bacon (the best you can find, no nitrates please)- about 4 strips
1.5 lb Brussels Sprouts
About a 1/2 cup crisp white wine
Squeeze of lemon
Salt and pepper

Prep the sprouts by cutting off the woody stem piece and then simply slicing the sprout in half. Cut the bacon into little bite sized pieces (about 6-8 per strip), drop into a hot skillet with a little olive oil, and cook until crispy. On high heat, drop all your halved brussels sprouts into the bacon fat (you may want to turn on your vent at this point).  Let them sear and get crispy on the outsides, tossing them to keep from burning.  Once they seem like they are all a little charred (though not burnt), pour in the white wine (stand back!) and cover with a lid, leaving it a little off for steam to escape. Turn down the heat to low/medium low, and let simmer for about 4 minutes.  Eat one to test for doneness- they should be tender but NOT mushy.  Take off the lid and give them a generous squeeze of lemon. Let any remaining liquid cook off.  Season liberally with salt and pepper to taste.

This is my portion, what shall you be eating?

Boursin Mashed Potatoes
I learned the secret for absolutely divine, fool-proof mashed potatoes from my Aunt Debbie at this year's family Thanksgiving, at her River House in the Texas Hill Country.  I was never totally in love with mashed potatoes until I tried these with Boursin, that spreadable, seasoned, goat-cheese-like round found at nearly all holiday gatherings. Because there really is no recipe, I'm going to give approximate amounts and let you make as much or little as you desire.... but should you happen to make too much, I don't think you'll have trouble finding a use for leftovers.

Ingredients:
Russet potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped
Whole milk
Butter
Boursin cheese (I like the Garlic and Fine Herbs)
Salt and Pepper

To Cook:
Put a big pot of salted water on the stove, drop all your chopped and peeled potatoes, and turn on the water to boil.  Once they come to a boil they will need about 20-25 minutes, or until they are easily poked through with a fork.

Once they are tender, drain the water and put the potatoes back in the pot.  Turn the stove on low. Add a big knob of butter and a glug of milk.  Using a potato masher or electric whisk, start to blend them all together.  If they are too dry, add a little more milk.  Once they are mostly combined, crumble in from a half to a whole round of Boursin (I used a half a round for about 8 small/medium potatoes, enough for 4 people).  Season liberally with salt and pepper.  Continue to whip or mash until you've reached your desired consistency.  Keep warm in covered pot on the stove on low until ready to serve.  Add more milk or butter if they get too dry.